Where have you gone, Big Papi?

Numb. That's how I felt when I got the news, conveniently emailed by a Yankee fan, that David Ortiz and Manny Ramirez were on The List. Oddly enough, by numb I don't mean shocked into a catatonic state. What I felt was more akin to a yawn, a ho-hum feeling of non-surprise, and that's not a good thing.

The whole steroid thing never really surprised me, unfortunately. That the merry bunch of Red Sox known as the "Idiots" might have been looking for an extra edge is not a shocker. Athletes have always been looking for an edge, something to make them stronger, faster or just a tad better than the guy on the other team. In baseball, 162 games is a long season and guys have used things since the beginning of time to help them stay in the game and off the bench. Jim Bouton told us about greenies in "Ball Four", and Ken Caminiti introduced us to steroids in baseball, and Jose Canseco has become a best-selling author chronicling the steroid controversy in his own inimitable way. I guess I'm not surprised that a guy who is on the border of washing out of the Bigs (where are you, Jim Parque?) might use something to stay because it might mean the difference between a $1 million contract and trying to catch on as an assistant coach at some high school in the boondocks. I'm not surprised that Manny Ramirez or Roger Clemens might think about how to get an edge when their body starts to do what most bodies do after the age of 30 and their former team has told everyone their best days are behind them. So, I don't react with shock and surprise and outrage. The innocence left for me a long time ago.

It has now been nearly a week, and Big Papi has declined comment until he gets "the rest of the story". Opinions on talk radio have been flying around, heck I've been listening to a Boston sports talk radio station for the last 3 hours and the Ortiz/steroid chatter has not let up, despite the fact that the Sox lost a heartbreaker to the Rays in extra innings last night.

But what of our children? How about the 12-year old boy who worshipped the Red Sox and the lovable idiots? How do we deal with the fall from grace of his heroes? Well, we live in a society where the camera is on 24/7 and no one really has a private life anymore. We had a former President admit an affair after the sordid details were laid out for all to read. And what was it that James Carville said about Bill Clinton? "He's a good man who done bad". That's probably the way we ought to think about our athlete heroes too.

The more important question from all of this is how do we teach our kids about performance enhancers? What am I supposed to think about the parent who lets her 9-year old kid drink a Red Bull before a football game so he "wakes up"? Is this kid well on his way to being someone who keeps upping the ante until he's taking speed to get through high school football practice? Hey, I'm 42 and I remember guys talking about "the juice" back in high school in the 1980's. You are never going to solve the PED problem because anytime you match up hyper-competitive people with the potential for glory or dollars or scholarships, someone is going to think it's worth it to go after that extra push.

So, the "solution" is like it is with anything else. Take away the secrecy and the silence. Talk openly to your kids about the dangers of PEDs - and don't think it's only Major League ballplayers who have access to it. Newsflash: if your kid is playing competitive sports in high school, there is stuff around. Should the schools test for PEDs? I personally hate the violation that is drug testing, but if it takes away the peer pressure and makes kids understand the consequences, maybe it's a good thing.

So, let's all come down off the high horse and admit this stuff is a lot closer to home than anyoe ever wanted to think. We need to talk about it with our kids and make sure they get an understanding at a young age about what is right and wrong with competition.